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Poll: Top books of 2008

Brrisngiriesr, the third instalment in the Plagiarism Cycle by Christopher Paolini, has topped the OWD readers list of books published in 2008. The book, the title of which means 'fire' in the fictional language of Alagaësia, starts off from where the second ends, with the little boy slaying the dragon and earning a pendant. Regarding the result, Paolini had this to say: "Glaedrua cedgher mrdgaleona!"

How To Write Your Own Will, a self-help book by Vladimir Goofhausen that has been a rage with octagenarians and cancer patients, was second. Coming third was The 3 Mistakes of My Life, by Chetan Bhagat. It is a complex reflexive narrative of three books the author has written in his life.

Terrorists Chase Tourists out of God's Own Country

And as for the recent terror strikes in Mumbai, Kerala's tourism industry, already reeling beneath the impact of global recession, appears to have taken a devastating blow. The Tourism Working Group for Crisis Management estimates that there will be a fall of at least 30 percent in the arrival of foreign tourists this year, despite falling crude oil prices, desperately slashed tourist package rates, special offers on 'curative and restorative' Ayurveda packets, and even the Kerala Tourism Development Council's recent announcement to set up India's first marina at Bolghatty Isle in Kochi, to cater to booming yacht tourism and leisure boating activities.
Industry bigwigs, worried that the locals will cash in on the plummetting costs of a luxury holiday in God's Own Country, are keen to sustain the image of a high-end tourist destination.

The OWD, for its part, suggests to its largely proletariat readers, that the time is ripe for a luxury holiday in Kerala.

keralatourism.org, the official website of the Tourism Department, for its part, congratulates itself on winning the PC World Web Award, 2008.

Michael Jackson now Mikaeel

Popstar Michael Jackson, singer of such hits as Black or White and Man or Woman, has converted to Islam, declaring that it was the religion closest to his personal beliefs. The news has left people across the world scratching their heads, wondering which part of plastic surgery, paedophilia or the moonwalk was endorsed by Islamic theology. Jackson has also, in affirmation, changed his name to Mikaeel and built a mosque in Bahrain. A friend of the Rock and Roll Hall of Famer hoped that Mikaeel would help repair the extremist image of Islam by lending his face to the faith.

Page3: Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum in a kali suit.

Geelani Spitter may be Llama in Disguise

From our Legal Desk:

Prof. Geelani, it is understood, plans to initiate legal proceedings against ABVP and its activists who fired phlegmatic criticism at his face during his seminar on communalism. While Mr. Sam Menon, renowned legal counsel of the Calcutta High Court is appearing on behalf of the professor, the OWD has reasons to believe that the ABVP activist will present his own defence. Intense and uncontrollable salival activity, laid down in S.23 of the IPC, is being taken up as a defence. Both parties have refused to comment on the merits of the case.

ABVP Statement: “We protested peacefully, maybe a few stones were thrown, that’s all. Our party condemns spitting at any level.”

Maradona appointed coach

Diego Maradona, the greatest handball player ever, has been appointed Head Coach of the Argentinian football team. Though with no coaching experience or credentials, his hands-on approach to football is expected to shake things up. Lionel Messi, widely regarded as the successor to Maradona, said that he was looking forward to the latter's inspirational presence in the dressing room. The OWD has found out that Maradona has already ordered 3 kgs of powdered inspiration from Colombia to get things started.

Happy Deepavali!

The OWD wishes its readers a loud Deepavali. Deepavali (or Diwali) is an Indian festival of noise. Deafening detonations fill the air, even though the old-fashioned are content to just light lamps around their houses. The new trend nowadays is to include motorists in the festivities by throwing crackers at moving vehicles.

New face of the Space Race

The Space Race was a manifestation of the Cold War through the 1960's. Now, with India launching Chandrayaan 1, it has entered version 2, with the competitor being the other half of the world's population - the Chinese.

Version 2 is not about state ideologies, but about the Man in the Moon. Following the launch of Chang'e 1 in 2007, the Chinese declared that the lunar visage was distinctly Mongoloid. ISRO's scientists refuse to countenance this claim, countering that they suspect the face to be Dravidian-looking.

The OWD is quite bamboozled by this space spat. One could easily arrive at a modus vivendi, agreeing on an Assamese Man in the Moon, and get down to finding thorium.

Breathing in public to be banned

Buoyed by the response to his pet project - the ban on smoking in public places, India's health minister Anbumani Ramadoss is preparing to take on a greater challenge. Singling out carbon dioxide as the most dangerous, but avoidable GHG, he plans to attack a root cause - breathing. "Everyone has the right to an excessive CO₂-free atmosphere", he breathed.

Dr Ramadoss also clarified that he is not banning breathing altogether - people can breathe within the confines of their homes, for instance.

Resurrection

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