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Page3: Lady In Red

Listen to your heartbeat

Quiz: Locality update

Poll: New Seven Wonders

The results of the OWD New Seven Wonders poll are out. From over 20 candidates, thousands of OWD readers from across the globe voted to determine a final list of seven. The list is as follows.

1. Chichen Itza
2. Christ the Redeemer
3. The Colosseum
4. Great Wall of China
5. Machu Picchu
6. Petra
7. Taj Mahal

Note: The Great Pyramid of Giza was not eligible since it was built by aliens.

Battle for OWD comes to a head

The Ontario Women's Directorate levelled further allegations against the OWD today, accusing the daily of sexual harrasment. The Directorate had earlier moved the Ontario High Court, citing trademark infringement.

The OWD legal expert Arun Mohan had this to say about the lawsuit - "Trademark enfranchisement what?"

A spokesperson for the Canadian organisation insisted that they were not blowing up the controversy to increase their Google Page rankings. Regarding allegations that the site content was largely misogynist, Pariah from the OWD said, "Three of the members of the Edit Team are women. Our journalism is fair and lovely."

Hatshepsut, reconstructed

Egyptian researchers released a digitally reconstructed image of pharaoh Hatshepsut today. It was last week that the team led by Dr. Zahi Hawass identified the mummy found in KV 60 as that of the female pharaoh.

The digital image shows Hatshepsut in Egyptian regalia and offers fascinating insights into her times. For instance, chest enhancement seems to have been prevalent, though it is likely that only royalty had access to the technology.

PMS bigger than poverty

An international conference in Oman has concluded that the biggest problem the world faces today is not pollution or poverty, but PMS. Studies reveal that the intensity of PMS-induced depression and anger in women is steadily on the rise, causing considerable social tension.

The YNUM (You Never Understand Me), which supports women during this phase, has proposed an initiative to lessen the strain by offering subsidized medication, gift coupons and punching bags in colours ranging from fuschia to lavender.

V.R. Laydeighs, president of YNUM tells us,

"It is time our trauma was understood. Women are a strong and emancipated people who need constant help, understanding and support.”

“Balls.”, said an audience member, sporting a purple bruise above his left eyebrow.

The conference ended with choir of sulking women singing 'I'm down', by the Beatles "just to cheer things up a bit."

Quiz: Locality

These people were all, at one point of time, residents of a particular locality in London . Which one?

Virginia Woolf, EM Forster, JM Keynes and Lytton Strachey all lived in Bloomsbury, London. Hence the Bloomsbury Group.

Vintage Love Songs

A number of our readers have for long been pressing for opinion on the Greatest Love Songs of All Time and the Greatest Culinary Delights of All Time. We at the OWD decided to appease both reader-contingents through a song which, in our most humble opinion, spreads the message of love from the palate.

Titled 'You are my Chicken Fry', this deliciously melodious song is about the love between a man-glutton and a woman-glutton - a subaltern romance hitherto ignored. Composed and sung by Indian rockstar Bappi Lahiri in the movie Rock Dancer, it features Playboy Playmate Samantha Fox.

A sneak-peek at the song (click to download):

"You are my Chicken Fry
You are my Fish Fry
Kabhi Na Kehna Kudiye Bye Bye Bye
You are my Samosa
You are my Masala Dosa
Mein Na Kahoongi Mundiya Bye Bye Bye"

Indian President-elect publishes findings

Women took to the purdah for protection from Mughal invaders, claims renowned Mughal historian Pratibha Patil in her new book The Purdah Protectorate. The feminist scholar is also first in line to the seat of President of India, after being nominated from the women's quota in the Houses of Parliament. However, another Mughal historian, William Darlymple rubbished the findings - "She just wants to sell her books."

Ms. Patil was not available for comment as she was communing with ghosts on Mt. Abu.

Britain - Golden Brown?

Barely hours after Gordon Brown took over as the new PM of the United Kindgom, the OWD has come across a government directive to promote the Golden Brown (Pluvialis apricaria) as the national bird. Mr. James Finch, Secretary of Bird-Brained, a pan-UK ornithology society, said, "This is an outrage! We simply cannot have a national bird. There are too many of them and Britain is a democratic nation!"

The Golden Brown

There was a similar move in the eighties to give the Common Garden Thatcher (Psittacula firmicus) the same status, which went out owing to massive public discontent.

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Page3: Wimbledon

Winning streak

Tupua Tamasese is new O le Ao o le Malo

June 16, Samoa: Tupua Tamasese Tupuola Tufuga Efi has been elected as the new O le Ao o le Malo (Head of State) of Samoa after an unusually long meeting of the Fono (Parliament). Despite his being the only name in contention, the session lasted for over two hours. A lesser-named source informs us that this was due to the mandatory roll-call of members present and a stuttering speaker. Tupua Tamasese is also a two-time Tra la la la La (Prime Minister).

Editor: The OWD apologises for the one-week delay in reporting. This was due to difficulties in locating Samoa on the planet.

Quiz: Photographer?

From L to R: DG Rossetti, Lord Tennyson and little girl.
By a pioneering photographer, famous in another field. Who?

LEWIS CARROLL.

First in was Amy.
Details of the prize.

In Concert

The Fund My Education Charity Concert, will take place on July 7th, organisers announced today. The concert will feature the greatest names in rock music, including Bob Dylan, U2, Coldplay and Elvis Presley.

All proceeds from the concert will go towards funding the further education of Pariah.

World Music Day

The summer solstice plays host to the Fête de la Musique, a festival that began in France in 1982 and since has been celebrated in many more countries. The OWD participates in this festival of music and freedom and offers to its readers, -

The gift of free music - Limewire.

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Poll: CAD voted tops

Tim Buckley's webcomic on the absolutely normal daily lives of gamers, Ctrl+Alt+Del, has won the OWD poll on the most popular webcomic. The poll was conducted among OWD readers and included lots of other webcomics as well.

Some reader opinions:

"Ethan reminds me of myself" - Ethan

"I think Zeke has dreaamy eyes" - Anonymous reader

Have an opinion on CAD? Post it here.

Page3: Mischa Barton

The OWD features the eyes of Mischa Barton.

And her hair.

And her nice green dress.

No Sir, or we kill

The BBC received a video late this evening showing an unidentified gunman holding a gun to the head of the abducted British High Commissioner to Pakistan. The gunman is shown shouting threats in Arabic: "Al hilal halal jihad mujaffar" (translation unavailable). This follows an official statement of displeasure by the Pakistan Govt about the British Govt's decision to knight controversial Indian-born author Salman Rushdie.

Here for more on this...

Related News:
British High Commissioner to Pakistan abducted.
Salman Rushdie to be knighted.